Modeling Is Not Just About Being Pretty: Everything I’ve Learned.

I first started off modeling way back in February and it’s a fun job. Not a steady one, which is probably why I treat it more like a hobby or part time gig than an actual, professional venture. While I do enjoy it, people think it’s an easy job. Well it isn’t. It’s early mornings, long days, several outfit changes, no food at times (so surviving 6-8 hours on countless cups of venti black coffee and water), battling Chicago weather conditions and sacrificing a lot of time away from family and friends. But I do it because I actually love it. It’s fascinating to be in a creative space and escape reality into a landscape of fashion and style. To get dressed and put on makeup and be someone different for a day excites me.

And although I’ve learned my angles, where to find the light, to reset my eyes after each shot, the lingo of the trade, which profile is better; I’ve also learned more about myself and life through the channels of glamour and aura of glitz.

1. Fake friends vs real friends

You begin to see people for who they truly are. Some friends will be thoroughly supportive, while others will sit around, throwing around mocking and demeaning remarks. It becomes very easy to feel small and that is when you learn that not everyone has your best interest at heart. While I always like to believe that intrinsically everyone is good, the truth is that this is a very naive, sugar coated version of life. There is a difference between people that are nice and people that care. Nice people are merely that: nice. They want you during the highs or when they need a favor. The people that care stick around through all of it: the lows, the mess, the ugly days. The people that care are the real friends.

2. There is sunshine for everyone

I’ve never understood the concept of pulling others down. Granted it is a highly competitive place, but there is enough room on the runway and plenty of show light for everyone. Every person has their moment and it is a sad truth that a FEW people are so quick to steal it away. Isn’t the sun big enough to shine on everyone? I never have and never will understand the cynics, jealous folks of the world. But the truth is there are more men and women that want you to do well. The support and praise I’ve gotten from social media is ten folds greater than the negativity. Which is why, you have to know that hate is like white noise. It’s a small drop in the ocean.

3. Practice, practice, practice

Malcolm Gladwell once said that is takes 10,000 hours before you can achieve world class expertise in any skill. Modeling is the same. You need absolutely 0 skills, although being naturally photogenic and pretty doesn’t hurt. When I look back at my first head shots or test shoot, I was a clueless amaetur. Now, I’m still a struggler, but I know more now than I did 5,000 hours ago. I still forget to reset, I still miss the cue, or lose focus. But my current portraits are much improved than the first ones. Which goes to should that anyone can do anything with their life if they choose to work hard and have some discipline.

4. There is always someone better

Gisele Bundchen famously said that, “The more you trust your intuition, the more empowered you become, the stronger you become, and the happier you become.” Intuition and that “gut feeling” goes a long way because there are so many beautiful girls out there–much more so than me. They are taller, younger, skinnier, and more in demand. That really is how it works in real life too, isn’t it? You matter how much you achieve, there are people out there accomplishing much more. And it doesn’t matter because like I said there is sunshine for everyone. All you can do is stay focus, eradicate the self-doubts and keep moving forward. The other side of this coin is because there is always someone better, humility is everything. Seeking the simplicity and being humble during the great days will carry you through the worst times.

5. Limitations can lead to reinvention

When I first started out, I was asked if I would be willing to do nudity or semi-nudity. And really quickly I learned that sex sells, but that was one of my limitations. I don’t feel comfortable with that kind of exposure. I’m not afraid to be naked, but it was just one of those things I wasn’t and maybe never be ready for because of the culture I grew up in. Naturally, I felt like I was missing out on great opportunities, but then I remembered something Alexander McQueen once said: “People don’t want to see clothes, they want to see something that fuels the imagination.”

In order to be stylish or a social media influencer it’s not what you wear or don’t wear, it’s what you evoke. At that point, it got me to focus on my work and I decided I wanted to catalyze my weaknesses and limitations and ignite reinvention and imagination. The lesson here is that there is always room for improvement, but the real geniuses focus on their strengths, quickly recognize the flaws, and learn to adapt. Improvement isn’t enough, it’s the ability to evolve with change and eventually start creating change.

The Curious Case of Cinderella Syndrome

For as long as I could remember, I have loved fairy tales and happy endings. I like to believe that they are the source of my innate optimism. But what I really have is the “Cinderella Syndrome”—propelled by years of chick flicks, Kinsella and Austen novels, and a consistent diet of 90s Bollywood rom-coms. Basically, unrealistic and sugar-coated scenarios that enforce the whole “all’s well that ends well” and “everyone gets a happy ending”, even though life is much more complex than that. It’s not necessarily about waiting for Prince Charming or the ideal gentlemen prototypes that every girl dreams of. It’s the idea ingrained into our adolescent, feeble minds that the perception of women is to be damsels in distress.

Recently, I came across this complex originally penned by Colette Dowling and learned that it becomes more apparent as we mature. Dowling describes it as “where a woman is beautiful, graceful, polite, supportive, hardworking, and independent” aka the Cinderella types, but she is not capable of changing her situations with her own actions. She relies on outliers, usually a strong male figure to save her and is afraid to forego her dependency on others.

See, Cinderella is the victim of her environment and endures the mistreatment of her stepmother and stepsisters till she receives aid from her fairy godmother. And she never seizes the opportunity to come forward with the one glass slipper she has till Prince Charming comes to her door. Or for example, take the basic premise of DDLJ, where the female protagonist, Simran, is trapped in a patriarchal household and culture. Forced to marry a guy she doesn’t even like and never takes a stand for herself till the hero comes to her rescue. Ever since I first saw it as a child, my mind has been warped into this false fantasy that a “Raj Malhotra” actually exists and will actually turn up at my door when I’m going through a rough patch. As if, right?

If you think about, it’s an archaic frame of mind. However, I constantly see women around me and sometimes myself falling prey to it. Recently, I heard a girlfriend say that “the best way to move on from one guy is to get under another”—which triggered my fascination by how much not just woman, but we as individuals (including men) rely on others for emotional detachment from situations.

When breakups happen, we tend to compensate the pain by distractions whether it’s hanging out more with friends and family or jumping back into the dating pool without closure at times. When failures happen, we tend to close off from the world and rely on materialistic comforts like partying, travelling, booze, shopping, gorging, oversleeping, etc. In any case, our minds want to constantly avoid the real issue on hand and let it keep lingering on. Why not approach it head on? Why are we so afraid to confront the voices from within? Why do we fall weak when it comes to letting go and being independent? Why do we choose to let others save us and let them make decisions that should be ours to make?

At times, it’s not even about waiting for a male figure to save us—it’s about not having enough confidence in our inner strength. We like to underestimate our resilience during the lull phases and over credit circumstances or unnatural forces when the life turns uphill. It’s great to be humble, but I’ve noticed that we’re so frightened to pat ourselves on the back when we conquer even the littlest battles.

It’s this weird thing about human beings, as soon as we think we’re drowning–we want someone to dive in and save us or at least throw in a life saver or wrap us up in a rescue jacket. The truth is that each one of us is capable of saving ourselves. When the tides get rougher, we have the ability to teach ourselves how to survive and swim through it.

The thing about fairy tales is that they’re not real and you can’t project them onto real life. As much as we deserve and crave happy endings, sometimes we don’t get them. And then we become these creatures that have dependency issues. And it’s okay to be vulnerable, optimist, idealistic and feel dejected because it means we’re still capable of dreaming and loving things. And it’s always alright to go through the same kind of pain over and over again because each time we learn something new about ourselves from it. But we shouldn’t let fear and insecurities cage in our ability to think and react independently. I always think it’s better to rebel a little like Ariel, overcome societal pressures like Mulan, or fall in love with an unconventional looking kind soul like Belle did than have a case of the Cinderella Syndrome no matter how Charming the Prince is.

 

To Be Parisienne: Artistic Complexity Crossed with Intellectual Street Style

Fashion is a long-sustained and major cultural import of Paris since the early 15^th century. It is the home to names such as, Chanel, Chloe, Dior, Givenchy, Hermes, Vuitton, and Yves Saint Laurent. France’s association with fashion started as early as Louis XIV’s reign where luxury lifestyle was highly publicized. Jean Donneau de Vise and the fashion press transformed the marketing and design landscape of fashion and introduced the idea of “seasons”, or the changing of styles. Each era of French fashion has been characterized by a prevalent notion: Baroque and Classicism is elegance, imagery of haughtiness, and richness in colors; Rococo was the quintessential abolishment of frivolous and superficial and preference of informal and natural looks; Neoclassicism brought “woven air” era of Greek and Roman influence with transparent linen, gowns with cleavage, ribbon sandals, string of pearls, exotic fragrances, and eccentrically wide trousers and neckties; and Belle Epoque was dominated by high fashion and couture houses. Much of the high fashion was revolutionized by Coco Chanel’s creations. Her innovative designs highlighted understated femininity through nautical themes, which revealed stark inconsistencies when compared to the era’s popular styles. Chanel’s distinctive beauty ideals included indulgence of sporting, the yacht life, and simplistic fashion.

While Parisian styles are focused on designer brands, Lyon (also known as a silk capital) fixates on modern street fashion of Armani, Dior, Calvin Klein, Prada and Dolce and Gabbana. And Marseille tends to offer more vintage and antique looks. As a whole, France’s styles are quite reflective of the region and its history. The common themes tend to linger in the arena of artistic and philosophical.

“Around the Fashion World in Four Looks”:

 

My re-creation of PFW began by referencing “How to be Parisian Wherever You Are”. I recognized quickly that most styles are a mixture of high end and also low-end but high quality chic. My artistic vision included florals and the accentuation of small bodices. It goes back to Coco’s feminine elegance along with the use of fabrics for the petite perception.

Parisian styles are not to be flaunted, but shared. It is not about ego or social standing, but expressing oneself. Personality is a far greater attribute than ignorance. Parisiennes are reminiscent of their cultural past but also innovative. Acceptance of change is done with warmth. Finally, there is an emotional integrity and sagacious moods that reflect the beauty of urbanscapes and architecture in their style choices.

“She doesn’t have a ring on each finger, or a big diamond on each ring.
She doesn’t wear a gold watch that costs as much as a fancy car.
In fact, she doesn’t own a fancy car.
She doesn’t carry an enormous designer bag.
But she might have a newspaper under her arm.
She might mention Sartre or Foucault in a conversation.
It’s her personality that sparkles and nothing else: the signs of intellectual wealth.”

 

“The Parisienne retains her little imperfections, cherishes them even (the gap in her smile or her slightly crooked tooth, her prominent eyebrows or strong nose): these are the signs of a certain strength of character and allow her to feel beautiful without being perfect.”

“She’s Parisian, which is to say she’s melancholy. Her mood responds to the changing colours of her city. She can feel a sudden surge of sorrow or even hope for no reason at all. In the blink of an eye, all those lost memories and smells come flooding back, reminding her of loved ones who are no longer there. And time passing by.”

Above : Top 12 Paris Street Styles from PFW Spring 2016 from La Rue de la Mode

 

Aishwarya Rai: Versatility and Life Lessons Through Style

Women of Essence: 9 Style Icons, Part 1

My fascination with her started at the wee age of 8. She caught my age when I saw her twirling so effortlessly in a light blue lehenga in Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam. My god, I thought as such a young age, how immensely beautiful, graceful, and traditional she is. Over the years, I’ve come to realize the clout her style and wisdom has had on my formative years. Without equivocation, I identify with her personality and her decisions. Maybe, it’s because like her, I am a fellow scorpio and we react so in sync with our sign. But over the years, I’ve noticed that her philosophy on life , how she handles unpleasant circumstances with so much grace, and her ability to let go is not only admirable, but also examples I’ve turned to when I needed guidance. Her fashion choices underwent flak, but her legacy is forever in style. Here are her 15 best looks and messages to live by:

1.“I am particular about everything I do. I do not wish to be defined in any particular way. Versatility is the key.”

Throughout her career, there has never been one single incident or character that identifies her. Her allure is in her ability to take risks and be different. Originality and uniqueness is always appreciated and she always brought that to the table.It’s the notion that one is capable of wearing many hats and being a jack of all trades. Even if you look at her style statement, it has always been eclectic—a hint of western, dash of European, some street style and casual comfort, but never discounting the richness of Indian culture.

2. “The more you achieve in life, the more susceptible you are to the vagaries of life. But the challenge lies in not letting it all affect you. If you allow the pressures to pull you down, you won’t be able to forge ahead in life. You’ve got to take the highs and lows in your stride.”

For as long as I could remember, strong women are quickly categorized as shrewd and manipulative. And having a soft heart in a cruel world doesn’t make one weak, but brave. However, sensitive and soft people tend be quickly affected by what others say about them, especially to unwarranted, mean-spirited criticism. Her personal life made her an easy target and received unnecessary brickbats, but I’ve always noticed that priorities never shifted. When a woman sets out to build an empire and a legacy, there is no hindering her ambition, her focus, and her will. The denigration is a merely a small cost.

3.“I’m a mix of a tomboy and a woman. And I like it that way.”

Again, I’ve always admired that she’s a woman not afraid to wear different labels. Not designer labels—but social labels. As a pageant winner, there is a different aura she must always represent, but has the ability to be unapologetic about her identity and roots. It’s often hard to find one particular label that society tends to predetermine and thrust upon us. And it helps knowing that there are successful people that choose not to be defined by stereotypes.

 

4. “It’s nice to be important, but it’s more important to be nice.”

She has taught me that humility, generosity, and compassion for others makes you even more beautiful. The elegance and grace of a real woman lies in her heart and her desire to stay grounded. Despite all of her fame, connection, and the stature of her name, there is realness to her. She is not caged in by materialist treasures or sunken with pride.

 

5. “Elegance is innate…individual…eternal…it stands the test of time!”

Real style, the kind Tom Ford invents and Coco Chanel popularized is elegance. The key to elegance is simplicity. Basically, whatever comes from within and reflects the true nature of the self. Which is probably why despite some unfashionable sartorial choices, she is still just as relevant as she was 20 years ago. That is probably people always say that she doesn’t wear the clothes, but the clothes wear her. It is also why her name is a brand. When you hear, you know you’re about to experience elegance, grace, and unadulterated simplicity.

6. “I would say, the quality to speak volumes without really being that verbose – innate strength and silent conviction.”

The best kind of rebuttal is silence. As someone once said, “Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.” I’ve learned this from her at many times that it is so easy to vent out frustrations, but it takes far more strength to hold onto your dignity.

7. “When you go through a lot, it’s very easy to sink. Staying afloat can be very tough. At that point, which straws you grab at is what defines your next moment. And there are some very easy straws to help you escape life. The tough part is to stay attuned to reality.”

The strange part of life is that there are very few moments that define us. She picked the right straws at the right time. When she abused, she walked away; when they tried to ignore and humiliate her, she became even more successful and without demeaning her enemies in the process. The lows are just as significant as the highs, but you have to keep things light and not forget where you come from and who you are. The kind of person you are at your lowest and darkest expresses the realness and constancy of your character.

8.“I’ve always said that haters are a drop in the ocean. There’s that much more love. Any kind of negativity in any case just doesn’t stick, it drops off and it doesn’t matter.”

This is so relevant, especially in a society obsessed with certain beauty ideals. I remember the fashion critics tore her apart when she gained weight post-pregnancy. It was disingenuous, but hurled at her because her beauty is immensely popular. It does feel unwarranted since she has never been one to preach fitness or impose unrealistic beauty standards. Her go to mantra has always been to feel comfortable in your skin and embrace all shapes, sizes, and colors. It seems though that there will always be a few people that are extremely insecure or judgmental ready to animadvert every flaw. What these folks don’t comprehend is that every flaw adds to beauty. I’ve learned that the naysayers are far and few and unworthy of attention.

9.“Someone asked me why I’m politically correct, even when people hit out so openly at me. But the truth is, I’ve never been brought up to behave any other way. I can’t say anything hurtful about anyone. I just don’t believe in saying mean things. I won’t feel good doing that. It’s strange why being well behaved is perceived as being too “propah” and staid. This is the way I am. I’m amazed how many people feel good hitting out at me. They’re welcome to do it.”

It’s strange how society praises bluntness and honesty to that point where it crosses the boundaries of arrogance and rudeness. But we as human beings forget that every soul deserves respect. It’s petty to criticize, judge, gossip, and make someone feel small and insignificant. But in the process of being polite people like her are often called fake and pretentious. Since when did it become in style to lower another’s esteem by uninhibited frankness?

10.“I don’t believe in proving a point to anybody. Nobody is that important.”

Maybe it’s the Parisian in her or maybe she’s born with it. But I’ve always admired women that have a “frankly don’t give a damn” attitude. You don’t owe anyone anything. They are not entitled to you and they certainly are not that special that you should fret over their opinions. You should not feel your value teetered by trifling white noise.

11.“I’m not a tease. I don’t go around fluttering my eyelashes and wrapping men around my little finger.”

Being a girl next door is wholesome. Being honest and offering someone modesty and humbleness is far more admirable. She has at one point been every man’s dream because she’s unattainable pureness—however not an object by any means. Her appeal lies in her virtue and ferocity towards life and love. Teases are indulgences for a fortnight or two, but the authentic ones are for keeps.

12.“I’ve been excited, honest, earnest, enthusiastic about whatever course my life has taken, but never anxious about the results. Because when you’ve given your best, you don’t need to bother.”

When you pour all of life and soul into something, the universe has a way of rewarding you. But sometimes things do fall apart in order for even better things to fall into place. Her life may seem like a cake walk from very distant perspective. But she created her own niche without nepotism and being a complete outsider. She didn’t stress about the glass ceiling or the heart breaks, she held her head in the clouds, worked really hard, and soared all the way to the top.

13.“I’d rather be mysterious.”

Relevance pertains to those that engage in transformative processes and have an aura of mystery. Like old school Hollywood starlets, there is so much about her that people don’t know, which is one of her biggest appeals. She doesn’t share everything. It doesn’t have to do with fear or vulnerability, but it’s good to have some secrets and parts of you that only a select few are privy too. That mystery should be a privilege to confidantes and camaraderie.

14.“My biggest concern is always the students who are working toward a certain career–when they limit themselves to just that one option. They need to know that the world is huge–it’s an ocean, and there are so many options. It’s not the end of the world if they don’t get to pursue an apparent childhood dream. They feel so defeated, which is very disheartening. It’s sad to know that people let themselves be limited by these aspirations.”

Failure is exhausting. Everyone goes through it and either you let halt you or use it as a catalyst for profound reinvention. She once mentioned in an interview that she wanted to pursue medicine or zoology, but it was difficult for her. Before she was famous, she auditioned for some show and was rejected. Despite everything, there are going to come times when you fail. It’s a natural process, but you don’t let that moment anchor your sail. The sea is boundless—and life is filled with so many opportunities.

15.“The more you are blessed with experience, the fuller and the more enriched you are in your craft.”

The end all message: seize the moment. The more you live, travel, observe, and simply melt into experiences, the richer you become. You gain a sense of purpose, learn about new cultures and styles and art, and engage in conversations with different worldviews. And this changes your perspective on not only the world, but yourself. This brings it back to the beginning when I used the world versatility to describe her style. She’s a captain of many ships, someone that loves and lives in the moment, learns and expects things at face value, and doesn’t let people pigeonhole her. When you’re versatile, you take on many roles and many challenges and define yourself through many angles. And years from now when people look back at her vintage style, attitude, and look book—they’ll know she was always in vogue because she painted her legacy with colors of raw magnetism, dignity, simplicity, grace, and wisdom.  

 

The Grace of a Woman

“After a while you learn
The subtle difference between
Holding a hand and chaining a soul
And you learn that love doesn’t mean leaning
And company doesn’t always mean security.

And you begin to learn
That kisses aren’t contracts
And presents aren’t promises
And you begin to accept your defeats
With your head up and your eyes ahead
With the grace of woman, not the grief of a child

And you learn
To build all your roads on today
Because tomorrow’s ground is
Too uncertain for plans
And futures have a way 
Of falling down in mid flight

After a while you learn
That even sunshine burns if you get too much
So you plant your own garden
And decorate your own soul
Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers

And you learn 
That you really can endure
That you are really strong 
And you really do have worth 
and you learn and you learn
With every goodbye, you learn”

Veronica A. Shoffstall

Every now and then, my mind ponders back to this poem. It taught me that there are many kinds of love in this world; however, not the same kind twice. As we pass through life, we meet with pain and loss. People come and they go; our hearts clinging onto possibilities that are more fantasy than reality. All of this is transcended by a truth: we love and hold on the longest  when there is no hope at all.

The child-like innocence of a young girl is transformed into the grace of a woman when she transitions from a fool who loves all to a wise soul that loves herself first. She recognizes her self-worth to be independent of faux liaisons. Her passions and prerogatives change as she matures–head held up high and eyes searching the sky for new dreams. When she sees her flaws, she won’t let that moor her down; but it will propel her corybantic impulses and buoyancy of nature. She thinks and plans for herself, learns that wounded she may be but not feeble or brittle; and there is so much grace and dignity in saying goodbye to those have used her, traduced her, and regarded her with so little respect.

As I flourish with experience and wisdom, as well as from follies, I see that the grace of a woman is the paramount essence of her style and sensibility. There are many ways to lead your life, but only the rarest, purest, and bravest woman will do so with a silent strength and calm augustness.

 

Cover Image: Alexandria Odekrik Photography

 

 

My Mother’s Style Book: Portraits of Real Women

James Dean-styles

Somewhere fancy and Victorian

Shorts in Goa, memoir in making

“A strong woman understands that the gifts such as logic, decisiveness, and strength are just as feminine as intuition and emotional connection. She values and uses all of her gifts.”

You know those little luxuries that seem so mundane that we tend to overlook their significance. For instance, going to work in your own car, being able to obtain a college education, trying out for the basketball team, or going on a date without a male chaperon. These are all the things my mother never had or had to struggle for and her mother could scarcely fathom of these ideas. However, she was entirely determined that I shall have all that she could not and then some. It is the sacrifices of those women that are closest to us that tend to slip our minds yet these very actions have the most profound affects on our lives–probably if altered could have changed the entire course of our lives in an adverse manner. So today, on International Women’s Day I chose to write about the woman whose dreams and aspirations took a backseat so that mine could have center stage: My mother.

“Women have always been the strong ones of the world. The men are always seeking from women a little pillow to put their heads down on. They are always longing for the mother who held them as infants.”

Historically, women have always faced the downside of advantage and society’s austerity and authoritarianism created grave injustices and inequalities. Throughout centuries, the intellectual and rebellious have been persecuted, while women’s role in society have usually been confined to the domestic domain. My grandmother was betrothed to my grandfather by the tender age of 11,married at 14, and had her first child at 16. However, she has always been the pillar of strength and courage–the backbone of the family. Her style has always been benevolence to less fortunate and sternness to the avarice. When I ask her where she gets her toughness, she always says, “From within.” The thing with women is that, we are afraid and sometimes terrified, but it doesn’t stop us. It’s as if we are born with it intrinsically–allowing us to muster the courage to raise our voices in times of disparity and powerlessness. For every male chauvinist and misogynist that said women couldn’t, there was an Alice Paul, a Lucy Burns, a Joan of Arc, an Eleanor Roosevelt, a Gloria Steinem, an Amelia Earhart, and so forth proving that women can. From the Suffragettes to the earliest Feminists, women have always displayed a strength of character in the worst of times and in the age of foolishness.

“We need women at all levels, including the top, to change the dynamic, reshape the conversation, to make sure women’s voices are heard and heeded, not overlooked and ignored.”

Yet at times, it feels that growth for women is very stagnant. The glass ceiling is still prevalent, people are scared to be identified as feminists, and social media tends to create abnormal and unattainable beauty and image ideals that instill insecurity and crack the purity of innocence and self-respect. I look at my mother and see a woman who has worked every single day of her life and receives the best performance reviews among her colleagues yet is paid $4 less than the men in her department. This same woman campaigned for the position of the president of the student council at her university in India and won–twice. Not only beating out all of her male competition, but by a fairly large margin too; however, she was overlooked for a supervisor promotion because they felt she might be “too soft” and not a true leader. We take aside one day to celebrate and acknowledge women, but then the rest of the year the issues sustain ignorance. Everyone always says, you have to be patient, women have to be patience. But when you look back to the beginning of time–women are the only ones that have always been patience. So when I still see inequality, lack of proper education for girls, women locked into predetermined societal roles, and an absence of choice, I ask why? Why do women need to be patient for basic human rights?

Plaid and trousers, day of wedding

Summer silk rose

Coffee tones, cold mood

Halter and white sari, cool spring breeze

“A woman is like a tea bag–you never know how strong she is until she gets into hot water.“

I came across an album of my mother’s photographs that genuinely deserve to be in an issue of Harper’s Bazaar or Vintage Vogue. When I first came across these years ago, I was flabbergasted because I thought she had a secret life–like a fashionista or a model.

She’s a rebel. Cut her hair short when the norm considered long, black hair a standard beauty ideal. She loved high waist trousers, assortment of colors, fitted blouses, and tiny belts. Yet she always projected her Indian identity with modern silk and chiffon saris or salwars. Her style book is her own. She did not walk with the trend, but had her own trend. This was probably some time between 20-30 years ago, she was the wee age of 22 or 23 yet definitely more confident than I am now at times. In the picture where she has henna on her hands, that is her wedding day and she woke up and wore trousers and plaid because that’s who she is. She pushes the envelope and stays true to herself. How does she do? Where does she get it from?

Her confidence stems from a difficult childhood and maturing before her time. Some will say that the true strength of a woman is best tested in arduous times. It’s true. She grow up without a mother and her father passed away when she was 16, and lived in an orthodox society that was struggling to adapt to the liberal views of the 80s generation. Her dreams were many times considered too beyond her means and she learned to let go. When I ask her if she has any regrets, she always says no because she always found happiness in whatever she received and did not ponder on the things she couldn’t have. Her mantra: “Keep it simple. Minimalistic is the best route. The more complex and complicated you make your life, the more you have to untangle. True happiness is finding contentment with the small surprises life throws at you. But you must learn to appreciate the small things before life can give you something grand.”

“You don’t have to be pretty. You don’t owe prettiness to anyone. Not to your boyfriend/spouse/partner, not to your co-workers, especially not to random men on the street. You don’t owe it to civilization. Prettiness is not a rent you pay for occupying a space marked ‘female’.” 

She’s my trailblazer. Our mothers are. Whatever confidence we have, it comes from them.

My mother always told me when I was young that my role in life was never to be JUST someone’s wife or someone’s mother or this or that. It was to be whoever I wanted, when I wanted. Granted, as an Indian girl in my mid-20s I am perfectly aware and accustomed to societal pressures to marriage–but I have been raised to know that my identity can be career-driven or home-drive or both. But essentially it is my choice. This is what are mothers instill in us. The ability to be your own kind of  woman, make rational choices, mostly be selfless, but at times to be selfish.

I know that there are many things my mother could have probably done if she didn’t have children. But that was her choice. She wanted her first born to be a daughter and she promised herself that her daughter would never have to relinquish her dreams or desires that way she had to. She wanted me to choose the life I live, the partner I share it with, and build my very own legacy in the world. All the things that I have today is because somewhere down the line, she held some of her dreams back. And my mother received the very little that she did because her mother held some of her wishes back. Every predecessor generation has sacrificed so much so that today we can appreciate the comforts and conveniences they could not.

In essence, always in vogue: mothers. Always pure, always dreamers, always fluffing our aura and setting us up to succeed. Call them. Not just today, but every day. Hold them because now they are old and tired and deserve a gentle remainder that they matter. Be patience when they ask for help with technology or basically anything for she was the one that taught you how to walk and stayed up long, late nights when you had fevers and chills. And be very kind because you’ll always be her baby.

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Honor the women in your life and make an effort to learn about their sacrifices. Also, every woman has her own fashion diaries. Find the ones that belong to your mother and garner a sense of her youthful style and personality.

PS: Please share anything interesting you find. I’m always interested in portraits of real women and their inspirational life stories. Happy Women’s Day.

 

 

 

His Shirt, My Rules

Coming off the Valentine’s Day vibes, it’s probably a good idea to plunge into the rest of the year with the feelings, confidence and love carried from last night. You may chose to be clothed in his shirt, but set your own rules. As Michael Kors once said, “Learn to invest in the best quality”, an idea that will never falter that boss lady spirit.

1. “I love things that age well–things that don’t date, that stand the test of time and that become living examples of the absolute best.”

Giorgi Armani speaks my mind. He’s right though, you should be captivated by things that are ageless and things that don’t cease. Whether it’s one’s love life, career, or dreams–you can’t invest all of you into something that is temporary. The temporary can be fun and exciting at first, but the cavernous souls and support is for keeps. Shallow and superficial relationships and people etch away the purity of your personality. They take and take and take; but never to give anything in return. It’s hostile, unhealthy, and bothersome. So quite frankly, why invest in something that simply isn’t the best?

2. Say Yes to Red Lips and White Shirts

Red lips is a fashion accessory mon cheri. But it’s also bold and unique to one’s identity. The reds of the world are motivated by power and confidence. The crimson, rose, and ruby are are magnetic, engaging, joyful, and energetic. Then there’s the cherry, scarlet, and candy, which are excessively fun and cheerful and housed with spontaneity. Berry, merlot, classic wine, vintage currant, and rich garnet are the classy optimists that do not know how to settle for the mediocre and strive for freshness, new experiences, and originality.

All of these shades of red exhibit a sense of exuberance and combined with that white shirt–a notion of innocence and purity, but also a well-guided boss babe. Be impulsive to the extent that makes you comfortable. Take control. Get on top if you want to. Kiss him instead of waiting for him to kiss you. Run your hands through his hair, lace your fingers through his first, be a modern girl that knows what she wants and when she wants it. Coyness is not a sin but at times a great virtue. Strip down to your last shred of vulnerability, wear your heart on your sleeve, and listen to that little voice in your gut that sometimes your brain drains out. It’s risky but with the right shade of red and the perfect fit of white silk cotton, maybe it’s just worth it. Mistakes are lessons and game-changers, but regrets are for the fools and the frightened.

And honestly, there is no such thing as too prudish or too promiscuous. There’s only your choice. Being bold and blunt about your choices saves you from squandering your time.

3. Commit to the Minimalistic Perspective

Simplicity is sophistication and beauty in its unadulterated form. Don’t make things complicated that are suppose to be easy. In fashion, the go to mantra is ‘less is more’. That’s usually how it works everywhere else too. The less you expect, the more you shall receive. The less you worry, the more you will be happy. The less you move towards what you don’t want, the more you will move towards what you’ve always wanted. Have a minimalistic style, not only in your closet, but also in your lifestyle. Stop trying to please everyone and just please those that actually matter. More importantly, never forget to focus on you.

4. Learn to be single and independent

For all of those that did not have a date for Valentines or “Galentines”. It’s O-K! We’re always so afraid to be alone and invisible that we try to create these pas faux identities and facades. People often forget that being single is amazing. Being independent is revitalizing. As Queen B of the Upper East Side says, “What I want, is to become a powerful woman.” I hear ya, Blair.

It’s better to be by yourself than to be with someone that anchors down your greatness, dulls your shines, and dampens your fire. Even though, the whole theme of this post was about “his shirt & my rules”…sometimes it can just be “My shirt & and MY rules” too! There really is no social obligation either way. Be single or be with someone, but be true to the very last essence of your being.

5. “I Am My Own Muse.”

Tom Ford said this. Yes, that wonderful and very beautiful, beautiful man said this. And what a fitting quote for a Monday, as well. Look in the mirror. Do you see flaws? Good. We all have them. The sole sum of all our imperfections make us precious. You don’t have to be anyone’s ideal of beauty. Set your own standards. The earthy rawness, raunchy dame, wholesome belle or the proper rose can all be figments of you. But it’s important not to let any one thing or person dominant over your voice or rain on your parade. Take all of your flaws and keep moving forward. But really, do what Coco did: “My life didn’t please me, so I created my life.” Words to live by from the famous Parisian Fashionista.

Alexandria Odekirk Photography