The Curious Case of Cinderella Syndrome

For as long as I could remember, I have loved fairy tales and happy endings. I like to believe that they are the source of my innate optimism. But what I really have is the “Cinderella Syndrome”—propelled by years of chick flicks, Kinsella and Austen novels, and a consistent diet of 90s Bollywood rom-coms. Basically, unrealistic and sugar-coated scenarios that enforce the whole “all’s well that ends well” and “everyone gets a happy ending”, even though life is much more complex than that. It’s not necessarily about waiting for Prince Charming or the ideal gentlemen prototypes that every girl dreams of. It’s the idea ingrained into our adolescent, feeble minds that the perception of women is to be damsels in distress.

Recently, I came across this complex originally penned by Colette Dowling and learned that it becomes more apparent as we mature. Dowling describes it as “where a woman is beautiful, graceful, polite, supportive, hardworking, and independent” aka the Cinderella types, but she is not capable of changing her situations with her own actions. She relies on outliers, usually a strong male figure to save her and is afraid to forego her dependency on others.

See, Cinderella is the victim of her environment and endures the mistreatment of her stepmother and stepsisters till she receives aid from her fairy godmother. And she never seizes the opportunity to come forward with the one glass slipper she has till Prince Charming comes to her door. Or for example, take the basic premise of DDLJ, where the female protagonist, Simran, is trapped in a patriarchal household and culture. Forced to marry a guy she doesn’t even like and never takes a stand for herself till the hero comes to her rescue. Ever since I first saw it as a child, my mind has been warped into this false fantasy that a “Raj Malhotra” actually exists and will actually turn up at my door when I’m going through a rough patch. As if, right?

If you think about, it’s an archaic frame of mind. However, I constantly see women around me and sometimes myself falling prey to it. Recently, I heard a girlfriend say that “the best way to move on from one guy is to get under another”—which triggered my fascination by how much not just woman, but we as individuals (including men) rely on others for emotional detachment from situations.

When breakups happen, we tend to compensate the pain by distractions whether it’s hanging out more with friends and family or jumping back into the dating pool without closure at times. When failures happen, we tend to close off from the world and rely on materialistic comforts like partying, travelling, booze, shopping, gorging, oversleeping, etc. In any case, our minds want to constantly avoid the real issue on hand and let it keep lingering on. Why not approach it head on? Why are we so afraid to confront the voices from within? Why do we fall weak when it comes to letting go and being independent? Why do we choose to let others save us and let them make decisions that should be ours to make?

At times, it’s not even about waiting for a male figure to save us—it’s about not having enough confidence in our inner strength. We like to underestimate our resilience during the lull phases and over credit circumstances or unnatural forces when the life turns uphill. It’s great to be humble, but I’ve noticed that we’re so frightened to pat ourselves on the back when we conquer even the littlest battles.

It’s this weird thing about human beings, as soon as we think we’re drowning–we want someone to dive in and save us or at least throw in a life saver or wrap us up in a rescue jacket. The truth is that each one of us is capable of saving ourselves. When the tides get rougher, we have the ability to teach ourselves how to survive and swim through it.

The thing about fairy tales is that they’re not real and you can’t project them onto real life. As much as we deserve and crave happy endings, sometimes we don’t get them. And then we become these creatures that have dependency issues. And it’s okay to be vulnerable, optimist, idealistic and feel dejected because it means we’re still capable of dreaming and loving things. And it’s always alright to go through the same kind of pain over and over again because each time we learn something new about ourselves from it. But we shouldn’t let fear and insecurities cage in our ability to think and react independently. I always think it’s better to rebel a little like Ariel, overcome societal pressures like Mulan, or fall in love with an unconventional looking kind soul like Belle did than have a case of the Cinderella Syndrome no matter how Charming the Prince is.

 

To Be Parisienne: Artistic Complexity Crossed with Intellectual Street Style

Fashion is a long-sustained and major cultural import of Paris since the early 15^th century. It is the home to names such as, Chanel, Chloe, Dior, Givenchy, Hermes, Vuitton, and Yves Saint Laurent. France’s association with fashion started as early as Louis XIV’s reign where luxury lifestyle was highly publicized. Jean Donneau de Vise and the fashion press transformed the marketing and design landscape of fashion and introduced the idea of “seasons”, or the changing of styles. Each era of French fashion has been characterized by a prevalent notion: Baroque and Classicism is elegance, imagery of haughtiness, and richness in colors; Rococo was the quintessential abolishment of frivolous and superficial and preference of informal and natural looks; Neoclassicism brought “woven air” era of Greek and Roman influence with transparent linen, gowns with cleavage, ribbon sandals, string of pearls, exotic fragrances, and eccentrically wide trousers and neckties; and Belle Epoque was dominated by high fashion and couture houses. Much of the high fashion was revolutionized by Coco Chanel’s creations. Her innovative designs highlighted understated femininity through nautical themes, which revealed stark inconsistencies when compared to the era’s popular styles. Chanel’s distinctive beauty ideals included indulgence of sporting, the yacht life, and simplistic fashion.

While Parisian styles are focused on designer brands, Lyon (also known as a silk capital) fixates on modern street fashion of Armani, Dior, Calvin Klein, Prada and Dolce and Gabbana. And Marseille tends to offer more vintage and antique looks. As a whole, France’s styles are quite reflective of the region and its history. The common themes tend to linger in the arena of artistic and philosophical.

“Around the Fashion World in Four Looks”:

 

My re-creation of PFW began by referencing “How to be Parisian Wherever You Are”. I recognized quickly that most styles are a mixture of high end and also low-end but high quality chic. My artistic vision included florals and the accentuation of small bodices. It goes back to Coco’s feminine elegance along with the use of fabrics for the petite perception.

Parisian styles are not to be flaunted, but shared. It is not about ego or social standing, but expressing oneself. Personality is a far greater attribute than ignorance. Parisiennes are reminiscent of their cultural past but also innovative. Acceptance of change is done with warmth. Finally, there is an emotional integrity and sagacious moods that reflect the beauty of urbanscapes and architecture in their style choices.

“She doesn’t have a ring on each finger, or a big diamond on each ring.
She doesn’t wear a gold watch that costs as much as a fancy car.
In fact, she doesn’t own a fancy car.
She doesn’t carry an enormous designer bag.
But she might have a newspaper under her arm.
She might mention Sartre or Foucault in a conversation.
It’s her personality that sparkles and nothing else: the signs of intellectual wealth.”

 

“The Parisienne retains her little imperfections, cherishes them even (the gap in her smile or her slightly crooked tooth, her prominent eyebrows or strong nose): these are the signs of a certain strength of character and allow her to feel beautiful without being perfect.”

“She’s Parisian, which is to say she’s melancholy. Her mood responds to the changing colours of her city. She can feel a sudden surge of sorrow or even hope for no reason at all. In the blink of an eye, all those lost memories and smells come flooding back, reminding her of loved ones who are no longer there. And time passing by.”

Above : Top 12 Paris Street Styles from PFW Spring 2016 from La Rue de la Mode

 

Aishwarya Rai: Versatility and Life Lessons Through Style

Women of Essence: 9 Style Icons, Part 1

My fascination with her started at the wee age of 8. She caught my age when I saw her twirling so effortlessly in a light blue lehenga in Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam. My god, I thought as such a young age, how immensely beautiful, graceful, and traditional she is. Over the years, I’ve come to realize the clout her style and wisdom has had on my formative years. Without equivocation, I identify with her personality and her decisions. Maybe, it’s because like her, I am a fellow scorpio and we react so in sync with our sign. But over the years, I’ve noticed that her philosophy on life , how she handles unpleasant circumstances with so much grace, and her ability to let go is not only admirable, but also examples I’ve turned to when I needed guidance. Her fashion choices underwent flak, but her legacy is forever in style. Here are her 15 best looks and messages to live by:

1.“I am particular about everything I do. I do not wish to be defined in any particular way. Versatility is the key.”

Throughout her career, there has never been one single incident or character that identifies her. Her allure is in her ability to take risks and be different. Originality and uniqueness is always appreciated and she always brought that to the table.It’s the notion that one is capable of wearing many hats and being a jack of all trades. Even if you look at her style statement, it has always been eclectic—a hint of western, dash of European, some street style and casual comfort, but never discounting the richness of Indian culture.

2. “The more you achieve in life, the more susceptible you are to the vagaries of life. But the challenge lies in not letting it all affect you. If you allow the pressures to pull you down, you won’t be able to forge ahead in life. You’ve got to take the highs and lows in your stride.”

For as long as I could remember, strong women are quickly categorized as shrewd and manipulative. And having a soft heart in a cruel world doesn’t make one weak, but brave. However, sensitive and soft people tend be quickly affected by what others say about them, especially to unwarranted, mean-spirited criticism. Her personal life made her an easy target and received unnecessary brickbats, but I’ve always noticed that priorities never shifted. When a woman sets out to build an empire and a legacy, there is no hindering her ambition, her focus, and her will. The denigration is a merely a small cost.

3.“I’m a mix of a tomboy and a woman. And I like it that way.”

Again, I’ve always admired that she’s a woman not afraid to wear different labels. Not designer labels—but social labels. As a pageant winner, there is a different aura she must always represent, but has the ability to be unapologetic about her identity and roots. It’s often hard to find one particular label that society tends to predetermine and thrust upon us. And it helps knowing that there are successful people that choose not to be defined by stereotypes.

 

4. “It’s nice to be important, but it’s more important to be nice.”

She has taught me that humility, generosity, and compassion for others makes you even more beautiful. The elegance and grace of a real woman lies in her heart and her desire to stay grounded. Despite all of her fame, connection, and the stature of her name, there is realness to her. She is not caged in by materialist treasures or sunken with pride.

 

5. “Elegance is innate…individual…eternal…it stands the test of time!”

Real style, the kind Tom Ford invents and Coco Chanel popularized is elegance. The key to elegance is simplicity. Basically, whatever comes from within and reflects the true nature of the self. Which is probably why despite some unfashionable sartorial choices, she is still just as relevant as she was 20 years ago. That is probably people always say that she doesn’t wear the clothes, but the clothes wear her. It is also why her name is a brand. When you hear, you know you’re about to experience elegance, grace, and unadulterated simplicity.

6. “I would say, the quality to speak volumes without really being that verbose – innate strength and silent conviction.”

The best kind of rebuttal is silence. As someone once said, “Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.” I’ve learned this from her at many times that it is so easy to vent out frustrations, but it takes far more strength to hold onto your dignity.

7. “When you go through a lot, it’s very easy to sink. Staying afloat can be very tough. At that point, which straws you grab at is what defines your next moment. And there are some very easy straws to help you escape life. The tough part is to stay attuned to reality.”

The strange part of life is that there are very few moments that define us. She picked the right straws at the right time. When she abused, she walked away; when they tried to ignore and humiliate her, she became even more successful and without demeaning her enemies in the process. The lows are just as significant as the highs, but you have to keep things light and not forget where you come from and who you are. The kind of person you are at your lowest and darkest expresses the realness and constancy of your character.

8.“I’ve always said that haters are a drop in the ocean. There’s that much more love. Any kind of negativity in any case just doesn’t stick, it drops off and it doesn’t matter.”

This is so relevant, especially in a society obsessed with certain beauty ideals. I remember the fashion critics tore her apart when she gained weight post-pregnancy. It was disingenuous, but hurled at her because her beauty is immensely popular. It does feel unwarranted since she has never been one to preach fitness or impose unrealistic beauty standards. Her go to mantra has always been to feel comfortable in your skin and embrace all shapes, sizes, and colors. It seems though that there will always be a few people that are extremely insecure or judgmental ready to animadvert every flaw. What these folks don’t comprehend is that every flaw adds to beauty. I’ve learned that the naysayers are far and few and unworthy of attention.

9.“Someone asked me why I’m politically correct, even when people hit out so openly at me. But the truth is, I’ve never been brought up to behave any other way. I can’t say anything hurtful about anyone. I just don’t believe in saying mean things. I won’t feel good doing that. It’s strange why being well behaved is perceived as being too “propah” and staid. This is the way I am. I’m amazed how many people feel good hitting out at me. They’re welcome to do it.”

It’s strange how society praises bluntness and honesty to that point where it crosses the boundaries of arrogance and rudeness. But we as human beings forget that every soul deserves respect. It’s petty to criticize, judge, gossip, and make someone feel small and insignificant. But in the process of being polite people like her are often called fake and pretentious. Since when did it become in style to lower another’s esteem by uninhibited frankness?

10.“I don’t believe in proving a point to anybody. Nobody is that important.”

Maybe it’s the Parisian in her or maybe she’s born with it. But I’ve always admired women that have a “frankly don’t give a damn” attitude. You don’t owe anyone anything. They are not entitled to you and they certainly are not that special that you should fret over their opinions. You should not feel your value teetered by trifling white noise.

11.“I’m not a tease. I don’t go around fluttering my eyelashes and wrapping men around my little finger.”

Being a girl next door is wholesome. Being honest and offering someone modesty and humbleness is far more admirable. She has at one point been every man’s dream because she’s unattainable pureness—however not an object by any means. Her appeal lies in her virtue and ferocity towards life and love. Teases are indulgences for a fortnight or two, but the authentic ones are for keeps.

12.“I’ve been excited, honest, earnest, enthusiastic about whatever course my life has taken, but never anxious about the results. Because when you’ve given your best, you don’t need to bother.”

When you pour all of life and soul into something, the universe has a way of rewarding you. But sometimes things do fall apart in order for even better things to fall into place. Her life may seem like a cake walk from very distant perspective. But she created her own niche without nepotism and being a complete outsider. She didn’t stress about the glass ceiling or the heart breaks, she held her head in the clouds, worked really hard, and soared all the way to the top.

13.“I’d rather be mysterious.”

Relevance pertains to those that engage in transformative processes and have an aura of mystery. Like old school Hollywood starlets, there is so much about her that people don’t know, which is one of her biggest appeals. She doesn’t share everything. It doesn’t have to do with fear or vulnerability, but it’s good to have some secrets and parts of you that only a select few are privy too. That mystery should be a privilege to confidantes and camaraderie.

14.“My biggest concern is always the students who are working toward a certain career–when they limit themselves to just that one option. They need to know that the world is huge–it’s an ocean, and there are so many options. It’s not the end of the world if they don’t get to pursue an apparent childhood dream. They feel so defeated, which is very disheartening. It’s sad to know that people let themselves be limited by these aspirations.”

Failure is exhausting. Everyone goes through it and either you let halt you or use it as a catalyst for profound reinvention. She once mentioned in an interview that she wanted to pursue medicine or zoology, but it was difficult for her. Before she was famous, she auditioned for some show and was rejected. Despite everything, there are going to come times when you fail. It’s a natural process, but you don’t let that moment anchor your sail. The sea is boundless—and life is filled with so many opportunities.

15.“The more you are blessed with experience, the fuller and the more enriched you are in your craft.”

The end all message: seize the moment. The more you live, travel, observe, and simply melt into experiences, the richer you become. You gain a sense of purpose, learn about new cultures and styles and art, and engage in conversations with different worldviews. And this changes your perspective on not only the world, but yourself. This brings it back to the beginning when I used the world versatility to describe her style. She’s a captain of many ships, someone that loves and lives in the moment, learns and expects things at face value, and doesn’t let people pigeonhole her. When you’re versatile, you take on many roles and many challenges and define yourself through many angles. And years from now when people look back at her vintage style, attitude, and look book—they’ll know she was always in vogue because she painted her legacy with colors of raw magnetism, dignity, simplicity, grace, and wisdom.  

 

Restoration Hardware: Galleries For Different Philosophies

The mind of Oscar Wilde is multi-faceted, where realism and fantasy intermingle and create onto a blank canvas work unforeseeable by the ordinary minds. Restoration Hardware is like an Oscar Wilde creation. In every space, there is a vision. The galleries branch into different philosophies. Some have features that follow the function of the space, others tell a story or fold into a different era of style.

California based merchandiser, Stephen Gordon, who had difficulty finding high quality, luxury and vintage hardware and fixtures for a Victorian home, founded the idea of RH. While, RH provides furniture and pieces for every style of interior décor: Victorian, Edwardian, Roman, minimalist, modern, western, rococo, contemporary, classical, etc.; it also provides an experience. Walk between the spaces with a Prosecco or Americano in one hand and a notepad filled with designs or a camera filled with snapshots in another. It is an experience, where one dreams, fantasizes, and engages in storytelling. They tell themselves, this piano will be the main attraction for dinner parties or this white wooden crib is the birthplace of new lullabies. It invokes the modern curate to engage with this next-generation styled design gallery.

“Yes: I am a dreamer. For a dreamer is one who can only find his way by moonlight, and his punishment is that he sees the dawn before the rest of the world.” 

The walls aligned with mirrors or new age white artisan room with vintage Vogue cutouts is for the dreamers of the world. RH was truly created for those unhinged by reality, not caged in by normalities of the mundane, and can see past emptiness. For the dreamer, each space is like a painting—offering a unique color palette, brush stroke, depth, angle, and hue for the mind to dive deeper into and allowing it to explore the space through mental mediums.

Fantasy is escapist.

RH has quickly become a weekend, happy hour escape. As though an inhabitant of a Lana Dey Rey song, the observer is transfixed visually and escapes to different eras and times. The ambiance supports luxury fantasy and hopes of greater reality than presently sustaining. Serenity and pristine through whites and happy greys.

“A love story is not about those who lost their heart but about those who find that sullen inhabitant who, when it is stumbled upon, means the body can fool no one, can fool nothing—not the wisdom of sleep or the habit of social graces. It is a consuming of oneself and the past.”

The one thing I left with from my tour of RH was the constant reassurance of self-appreciation and self-love. Imagery that reinforces motivation, confidence, and table places for social graces. Counting blessings through aesthetes, old and new lightings and subtle and soft fabric touches.

Chicago Fashion Show FW2016: Hub of the Sartorial Melting Pot Style

New York, LA, London, Paris, Moscow–these places command an unique style that is reflective of the people and cultures that habitat the urban, rustic and pastoral spaces. However, Chicago is different. It is the fulcrum of multitudes of diverse styles, fashions and ideas intermingling to produce something new. It’s unique but represented of the designer’s and artisan’s personality, socio-cultural background, and experiences.

Chicago has never been a major pioneer or birth place to popular fashion trends, style statements, or renounce designers. But in the years to come, it will surely continue to be a melting pot of talent–Where people from different generations share a common interest in the diversity of style.

About 2 weeks ago, FashionBar hosted a Fall/Winter 2016 Collection at The Drake Hotel, showcasing looks from 5 starkly distinctive designers.

 

 

Christopher DiGiorgio: Futuristic American Street Style

Easy to wear sprinkled with this grunge afterthought. As DiGiorgio states in his own words, “Fashion is life to me. Fashion is the expression of the archetypal symbols of existence. My designs help free me from space and time.” This Omaha talent takes over the “street style” genre with a revolutionary vision.

Humane Envy: Feminine American Style with a Purpose

Humane Envy emphasizes clothing for women that come from all walks of life. Femininity must be embraced in all shapes and sizes. Fashion is about feeling beautiful in your own skin and radiating confidence into the world.

Furthermore, Envy believes that style must surpass the materialistic and physical and reflect morals, well-being of others, and compassion.

Her clothing speaks to that all-American working girl in a bold, colorful silhouette.

Laura Daili Vilnius: Pure Lithuanian Functionality with Flare of Minimalistic

Vilnius is an international fashion designer with an edgy aura. For her, a modern woman must be original and keep it simple. Less is always more. Stick to basics. Be Minimal in approach but embrace quality. Her statement: “Fashion is delicate like glass and infinite like time.”

Kristina Giedra: Classic and Modern High Quality Lithuanian Creativity

Giedra’s creations have the same expressive resemblance to Tony Ward’s collections. Ward’s idea: “A tribute to women and their femininity, with the taste and distinctive charm of a timeless style.”  Giedra has a similar mantra, where design and innovation must bring glamour, excitement, and class to a woman’s charm.

Nadia Dovidi: Vintage Russian Couture and Chiffon

“Good clothes open all doors.” A popular belief in Russia and a statement that illustrates that Russian fashion resides in good clothing, good presentation, and good standards. Dovidi’s creations are flowy, colorful, marked with floral prints and big bows, hand-sewn chiffon and silk ties–all emulating the balance between grace and conservative proportions. There is still a subtle hint of fun but restrain in structural rigidness.

The Girl Next Door: Touch of Vintage

Spring Collection: LookBook 2

The “Girl Next Door” Look is the all-American archetype that represents kindness, modesty, marked with humbleness, and a typical honest woman that surrounds herself in a romantic fantasy. She is every man’s dream that is often taken for granted and overlooked. Her admirability and attractiveness arises from her wholesomeness–she is not an object by any means.

The idea of the “Girl Next Door” was a WW2 propaganda contrivance that idolized a woman adorned by love, separation from her beau, healthy complexion, intelligent, virtuous, and strong willed. This kind of a woman has many layers and has evolved multiplied times to become an ubiquitous modern look. The appeal: she is an unattainable but irresistible.

Evolution Through Time:

1. Hollywood
   • Pier Angeli: charmer, endearing midnight brown eyes, aspirational, the kind of girl that tugs at James Dean’s heart strings
   • Debbie Reynolds: Innocent, doe-eyed, naive but fierce, quirky, waltzes in the same spotlight as Gene Kelly and Fred Astaire
   • Meg Ryan: Stuck in turmoil but adorable, cute with a purpose, beautiful azure eyes with bright dreams
   • Lily Collins and Emily Watson: Smart, determined, focused, driven, striking a balance with humility, sensuality, and morals
     

     

     
2. Literature
   • Eliante from Misanthrope: content on not being center of attention, witty, observant, delivers a well thought opinion, represents a sense of moral and social stability, one of the few women that is not hypocritical in behavior or deceitful by nature
   • Jane Fairfax from Emma:Beautiful and accomplished in all ways a woman can be in the Georgian-Regency era, reserved, humble, delicate, firmness of character, a high sense of decorum and morality
   • Daisy Buchanan from The Great Gatsby: beautiful and delicate as her name, but a heavily indecisive and flawed woman. To Gatsby she is sheer perfection: a real man’s dream: charming aura, sophisticated, and paragon of wealth and aristocracy. She is capable of affection but also feeble, shallow, and fickle. She projects “The Girl Next Door” ideals from Gatsby’s perspective but does not match the ideals in reality.
   • Cordelia from King Lear: Kind by nature and forgiving, she reals deeply and truly and projects an angel-like ambience. She is not a superfluous woman nor deceitful.
3. Fashion
   • Be Nonchalant, Mantra of the 1930s: “A careful carelessness”
     • Achieve appearance of smart indifference through wide brimmed hats, frocks, attention to strips and details; perfect proportions
   • It started and ended with a white dress, 1950s: “All consuming fascination”
     • The brightly colored era with Marilyn’s underwire bra and softly pleated William Travilla dress. Good figures, curvy accentuation, pleasant demeanour & era of the 1st bikini.
   • Simple and unbroken, Big Hair and Dreams of 1980s: “Boasts an unique distinction”
     • Harem pants, halternecks, and introduction of the body-suits. Women sought out bright blouses and tailored made pant suits. Following their dreams in crop tops and leggings.
   • Present-day: Back to basics and touch of vintage
     • My Look Book entails: hint of needle lace made popular by the Venetians, a strappy, minimal frill bralette that originally trended in the 90s, sequined, disco styled skirt with a little bit of the 60s and a lot of the 70s. All brought together by long waves that hit the stage in the 80s. A homage to “The Girl Next Door”-the unrequited dream with vintage nuances.

She is everything to me
The unrequited dream
A song that no one sings
The unattainable, she’s a myth that I have to believe in

My Mother’s Style Book: Portraits of Real Women

James Dean-styles

Somewhere fancy and Victorian

Shorts in Goa, memoir in making

“A strong woman understands that the gifts such as logic, decisiveness, and strength are just as feminine as intuition and emotional connection. She values and uses all of her gifts.”

You know those little luxuries that seem so mundane that we tend to overlook their significance. For instance, going to work in your own car, being able to obtain a college education, trying out for the basketball team, or going on a date without a male chaperon. These are all the things my mother never had or had to struggle for and her mother could scarcely fathom of these ideas. However, she was entirely determined that I shall have all that she could not and then some. It is the sacrifices of those women that are closest to us that tend to slip our minds yet these very actions have the most profound affects on our lives–probably if altered could have changed the entire course of our lives in an adverse manner. So today, on International Women’s Day I chose to write about the woman whose dreams and aspirations took a backseat so that mine could have center stage: My mother.

“Women have always been the strong ones of the world. The men are always seeking from women a little pillow to put their heads down on. They are always longing for the mother who held them as infants.”

Historically, women have always faced the downside of advantage and society’s austerity and authoritarianism created grave injustices and inequalities. Throughout centuries, the intellectual and rebellious have been persecuted, while women’s role in society have usually been confined to the domestic domain. My grandmother was betrothed to my grandfather by the tender age of 11,married at 14, and had her first child at 16. However, she has always been the pillar of strength and courage–the backbone of the family. Her style has always been benevolence to less fortunate and sternness to the avarice. When I ask her where she gets her toughness, she always says, “From within.” The thing with women is that, we are afraid and sometimes terrified, but it doesn’t stop us. It’s as if we are born with it intrinsically–allowing us to muster the courage to raise our voices in times of disparity and powerlessness. For every male chauvinist and misogynist that said women couldn’t, there was an Alice Paul, a Lucy Burns, a Joan of Arc, an Eleanor Roosevelt, a Gloria Steinem, an Amelia Earhart, and so forth proving that women can. From the Suffragettes to the earliest Feminists, women have always displayed a strength of character in the worst of times and in the age of foolishness.

“We need women at all levels, including the top, to change the dynamic, reshape the conversation, to make sure women’s voices are heard and heeded, not overlooked and ignored.”

Yet at times, it feels that growth for women is very stagnant. The glass ceiling is still prevalent, people are scared to be identified as feminists, and social media tends to create abnormal and unattainable beauty and image ideals that instill insecurity and crack the purity of innocence and self-respect. I look at my mother and see a woman who has worked every single day of her life and receives the best performance reviews among her colleagues yet is paid $4 less than the men in her department. This same woman campaigned for the position of the president of the student council at her university in India and won–twice. Not only beating out all of her male competition, but by a fairly large margin too; however, she was overlooked for a supervisor promotion because they felt she might be “too soft” and not a true leader. We take aside one day to celebrate and acknowledge women, but then the rest of the year the issues sustain ignorance. Everyone always says, you have to be patient, women have to be patience. But when you look back to the beginning of time–women are the only ones that have always been patience. So when I still see inequality, lack of proper education for girls, women locked into predetermined societal roles, and an absence of choice, I ask why? Why do women need to be patient for basic human rights?

Plaid and trousers, day of wedding

Summer silk rose

Coffee tones, cold mood

Halter and white sari, cool spring breeze

“A woman is like a tea bag–you never know how strong she is until she gets into hot water.“

I came across an album of my mother’s photographs that genuinely deserve to be in an issue of Harper’s Bazaar or Vintage Vogue. When I first came across these years ago, I was flabbergasted because I thought she had a secret life–like a fashionista or a model.

She’s a rebel. Cut her hair short when the norm considered long, black hair a standard beauty ideal. She loved high waist trousers, assortment of colors, fitted blouses, and tiny belts. Yet she always projected her Indian identity with modern silk and chiffon saris or salwars. Her style book is her own. She did not walk with the trend, but had her own trend. This was probably some time between 20-30 years ago, she was the wee age of 22 or 23 yet definitely more confident than I am now at times. In the picture where she has henna on her hands, that is her wedding day and she woke up and wore trousers and plaid because that’s who she is. She pushes the envelope and stays true to herself. How does she do? Where does she get it from?

Her confidence stems from a difficult childhood and maturing before her time. Some will say that the true strength of a woman is best tested in arduous times. It’s true. She grow up without a mother and her father passed away when she was 16, and lived in an orthodox society that was struggling to adapt to the liberal views of the 80s generation. Her dreams were many times considered too beyond her means and she learned to let go. When I ask her if she has any regrets, she always says no because she always found happiness in whatever she received and did not ponder on the things she couldn’t have. Her mantra: “Keep it simple. Minimalistic is the best route. The more complex and complicated you make your life, the more you have to untangle. True happiness is finding contentment with the small surprises life throws at you. But you must learn to appreciate the small things before life can give you something grand.”

“You don’t have to be pretty. You don’t owe prettiness to anyone. Not to your boyfriend/spouse/partner, not to your co-workers, especially not to random men on the street. You don’t owe it to civilization. Prettiness is not a rent you pay for occupying a space marked ‘female’.” 

She’s my trailblazer. Our mothers are. Whatever confidence we have, it comes from them.

My mother always told me when I was young that my role in life was never to be JUST someone’s wife or someone’s mother or this or that. It was to be whoever I wanted, when I wanted. Granted, as an Indian girl in my mid-20s I am perfectly aware and accustomed to societal pressures to marriage–but I have been raised to know that my identity can be career-driven or home-drive or both. But essentially it is my choice. This is what are mothers instill in us. The ability to be your own kind of  woman, make rational choices, mostly be selfless, but at times to be selfish.

I know that there are many things my mother could have probably done if she didn’t have children. But that was her choice. She wanted her first born to be a daughter and she promised herself that her daughter would never have to relinquish her dreams or desires that way she had to. She wanted me to choose the life I live, the partner I share it with, and build my very own legacy in the world. All the things that I have today is because somewhere down the line, she held some of her dreams back. And my mother received the very little that she did because her mother held some of her wishes back. Every predecessor generation has sacrificed so much so that today we can appreciate the comforts and conveniences they could not.

In essence, always in vogue: mothers. Always pure, always dreamers, always fluffing our aura and setting us up to succeed. Call them. Not just today, but every day. Hold them because now they are old and tired and deserve a gentle remainder that they matter. Be patience when they ask for help with technology or basically anything for she was the one that taught you how to walk and stayed up long, late nights when you had fevers and chills. And be very kind because you’ll always be her baby.

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Honor the women in your life and make an effort to learn about their sacrifices. Also, every woman has her own fashion diaries. Find the ones that belong to your mother and garner a sense of her youthful style and personality.

PS: Please share anything interesting you find. I’m always interested in portraits of real women and their inspirational life stories. Happy Women’s Day.